Hebrews 13:4 KJV “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
One of the definitions of defiled is to spoil. From a Chef’s point of view, the word spoil brings disgusting thoughts to mind because when food is spoiled, it stinks and taste bad to point of vomiting. Looks can be deceiving because spoiled food doesn’t always have the appearance of being rotten. It is only when the dish is uncovered can you truly know whether it is good or bad.
Now take this into consideration. Try to imagine a beautiful table set with the finest china, the world’s greatest food and the atmosphere perfect. Everything illustrates great things are about to happen. The dishes come out in beautiful stoneware and expensive glassware. You open the lid and a foul stench fills the air. Could you find a brave soul willing to taste it? Maybe it taste better than it looks or smells? The whole evenings experience is ruined because no one wants to continue with the dinner.
Everyone has their personal view of defiling the Marriage Bed but in a nutshell, the bed consist of a mattress, box spring and a bed frame, or does it? It’s what is brought to the bed that either nourishes or spoils a marriage. Fornication, adultery, bestiality, homosexuality and perversions defile the “Beauty of the Marriage Bed.”
I remember when The Ref and I were getting married. A Prophetess told us, “Don’t let “Homie” in your house!” For years we didn’t understand what she meant, but life experiences have shown us the true meaning of “homie.” Homie (an African-American colloquialism for street friend) is the “anything goes or if it feels good, do it” street relationships. A type and shadow of the Children of Israel in the Old Testament, Judges 21:25 KJV – “In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.”
We both realized that “Homie” and the Holy Spirit cannot coexist in the same place. The Holy Spirit brings newness all the time, while Homie is always remembering the past. Homie says, “It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none.” The Holy Spirit says in Matthew 19:6 NKJV, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Have you taken over God’s job of joining two people together? Are you qualified to make the two become one flesh? Defiling the Marriage Bed comes from performing a job that you were never hired to do because you don’t meet the qualifications. Images, text messages and meeting places that you think no one sees but you and the other person... are we entering the Marriage Bed with more than the Holy Spirit resonating in our hearts?
God created sex to be a Holy Experience with a man and his OWN wife or a wife and her OWN husband. The experience is designed for two people that God has joined to express physical love one to another. If you have to spend time defining your physical acts with your spouse then you might not be operating in one flesh. The flesh does not move separate and apart from itself. Nor can it join with another, if it is in fact one.
I love my wife and my expression to her is limitless while considering her on every hand. Her needs, wants and desires come into play while remembering that I will never intentionally hurt her. She is my rib, she was taken from my side to be by my side and God entrusted her to me. To hurt her physically, spiritually or mentally is NOT an option. Doing the unimaginable to her is also doing the unimaginable to myself because we are one flesh.
When asking yourself questions about the Marriage Bed, try this one. If we take out the world’s view, the pornographic images and what someone else said they do in their sex life, how can I sexually please my spouse? The answer will always keep the Marriage Bed Undefiled.
Believe me when I tell you that when you are joined to your Rib, it is a process of trial and error, but seeking God first and asking Him for the right paths to take will leave no place for spoiled dishes at the dinner table to ruin the whole experience.
What makes the experience perverse is when we want to do a certain thing behind closed doors with our spouse but feel either condemned or nasty because we have been told that certain things are wrong. Life evolves and believe it or not, so does our intimate life with each other. Missionary style has long gone out and now more christian married couples are exploring various means of our expression. We invite you to study the book of Solomon regarding those various means of expression.
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.