Love is a weird and complex thing because it is both good and bad at the same time. Society paints a very beautiful picture of Love. You know… two people holding on to each other with the backdrop of candles, a lit fireplace and soft music playing. But it fails to mention that when you are really in Love, it is an Action. The act of doing. Love is an action when things are good and when things are bad. It should be always working to its fullest capacity.
Not too long ago, someone said that we have the “Perfect Marriage.” God No! Not by a long shot. Perfect Wife – no not at all. Have I been the Perfect Man/Husband? – By no means, no. But is Love Perfecting itself in our marriage? Yes. Everyday. Our Love is getting more mature (the meaning of perfect), growing and being nurtured. It’s just like plants and seeds. In order for a seed to grow, it has to come through dirt and fertilizer to be nurtured and become a beautiful plant. You see, the seed has to push through all sorts of things just to become a Loving Marriage.
It starts off beautifully blissful, and here comes the fertilizer: sickness, loss of employment, disagreements, disobedient children, etc. It is only when you tough it out and stay together through it all, can you say and truly mean, “I love you.” Staying together shows growth and maturity. That’s the Perfection every marriage is aspiring to become. It’s easy to give up and walk away (Divorce), but passing the test comes when you stay. It gets hard, but STAY. It gets rough, but STAY. It gets almost unbearable, but STAY. And stay STRONG. A Sequoia seed starts off the size of a pin head, but grows into one of the largest trees in the world. The trunk is so large, you can actually cut out a hole the size of a car and it will continue to grow.
Life will throw all sorts of obstacles at you, some more devastating than others, but you have to learn to fight no matter what the odds are. There’s a saying in Cali, “Do it until the wheels fall off and when they do, pick it up and carry it.” That’s what Jesus did for us on Calvary. In spite of the fact that He knew He was going to die for humanity, and humanity would deny Him, talk about Him, abuse and beat Him, He still carried the cross up that hill. The problem with marriages today is that Divorce comes into play when either the entertainment has stopped or things get to rough. At the end of the day, Love will lift you and carry you through.
I remember when I was 13 years old. My family wanted to go to the beach, when money was low, it was the best place to go and have fun. I wanted to go swimming as soon as we got there. No one told me that ocean swimming was ten times harder than pool swimming. In a regular pool, there is no over and under current, waves or wind. The same time you’re swimming forward, there are ocean currents that are pushing you further than you think.
Being a kid, I was too busy having fun to realize how far I was away from shore. I also didn’t realize my muscles were exhausted which I needed to swim back to shore. It had gotten so bad that even dog paddling was becoming hard and I could feel myself about to give up and drown. The waves kept pounding. It was getting colder and because I was too far out, yelling for help wasn’t an option. “God please don’t let me drown…” is the only thing I could remember praying. Fighting hard had become obsolete and death was vastly approaching. But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry…And spoke to me to, “just relax and float on and I will carry you.” Since the human body naturally floats, without any struggle, that’s exactly what I did. I could feel Him use the large, medium and small waves to carry me back to shore. Back to safety. Back to where I could feel the ground again. And believe it or not, my family never knew my struggle or ordeal. Through every wave, current and violent wind, I was carried back to safety by Him, all because I listened and floated on.
The Lord never made man to give up, but to Trust only in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6) and marriage is going to be the same way. Under and Over Currents, Winds and Waves are going to come and literally make you believe that all your remedies are exhausted and Death to the Marriage is on the Horizon. But like the songwriter said, “Love Lifted Me.”
Floating is a process of just letting your whole body go limp and staying afloat on the water. Trusting in God is the same way. No matter what is coming or has gone limp. Give it all to Him and He will carry you to the Safe Place.
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.