The last stage in this Relationship Series is Maturation or the ability to stick with a situation until it is finished; the action or process of maturing. The quote above is so profound and appropriate for this Stage. "We mature with the damage, not with the years." Truer words have never been spoken. It is quite fascinating watching couples at different stages of years in their marriages. One can almost always tell who are the newlyweds and who are the veterans. Or can we? To say one does not come with damage is a myth. Through life's experiences whether good or bad, anyone that has survived tough situations has some level of damage. And we bring those damages with us when we get married. Whether we choose to admit it or not. The real question is, "At what point in our relationship do we reach a level of maturity?"
People often get it twisted because my husband and I don't wear our wedding rings. So the question has been asked, "Are they really married? I don't see a ring." Truth of the matter is we did have rings in the beginning of our marriage, but because of my immaturity, my custom-made diamond wedding ring and band is somewhere floating in the Pacific Ocean. I know Wives, you're saying, "Is she cra cra?" Lol... Not as much as I was before because Jesus is making me over, but see what had happen was we were having an argument on the beach in California about something stupid I'm sure because I can't remember what it was about, and I threw my rings into the Pacific Ocean.
Yep, looking back at that night, I realized how immature I was. I never took into consideration that his Grandfather helped him get the ring made and helped with the purchase. I was too immature to realize the love and care that went into getting the ring custom made for me. That meant that no other wife had a ring like mine. It was a one-of-a-kind, but because I was too damaged to appreciate the value I threw it away like it meant nothing at all just to prove a point. What are you willing to throw away just to prove a point? And how many of you are too damaged to understand the true value of what was custom-made for you? How many of you are allowing or have allowed your immaturity to make you throw something away that is priceless and can never be replaced? We have looked all over trying to find a ring just like it. And I refuse to get any other ring. I want THAT ring back. But I know, it won't happen. It was one-of-a-kind. It was priceless.
Now when I look down at my finger and see the shadow of what once was, it reminds me to always appreciate the value of what I have. To never underestimate the cost my husband went through just to show me that I am his one and only. In a way, not having my ring has brought me to a certain level of maturity. The saying goes, "You never miss something until it's gone." And when I came to myself, I realized the error of my immaturity and the depth of my damages.
In marriage, maturation comes through experiences. At some point in our marriages, life will decide to give you a Pop Quiz. A check for understanding as my colleagues and I call it. After delivery of the lesson, we give our students an exit ticket to check for understanding of what was presented. You could be dealing with health, finances or even death in your relationship and life will give you a Pop Quiz to check for understanding. "My Spouse cheated on me." "My Spouse is ill." "My Spouse lost their job." "My Spouse is addicted to..." "My Spouse______" What will the data in your "exit ticket" show? Will it show Maturation or Mastery? or Will you need to be retaught because of your level of immaturity.
We would like to encourage each of you to allow your damages to mature you. Show Mastery of Life's Lessons. Philippians 1:6-7 KJV says, (6)"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (7) Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace."
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.