Marriage, Matrimony or Wedlock is a socially recognized union or legal contract between Spouses that establishes certain rights and obligations between them, their children and their in-laws. Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged. It is really strange because Couples have been operating like this for years without taking thought of what was actually occurring. Institutionalization deals more with "tradition" than "actual commitment." As the old cliche goes, "I'm saving myself for marriage," and then after you consummate, reality sets in. The Institution of Marriage is based upon anticipation of what one thinks instead of what is real.
Before, during and after sex, couples practice what we believe is socially acceptable. Nine times out of ten, it is Missionary. Many Couples enter into the Institution of Marriage without having healthy conversations of what really works best for them both. As a result, "tipping" occurs because we have anticipated that our Spouse would not approve or indulge in our desires. Marriages then drift into unhealthy cycles of unfulfilling routines that seem endless.
Institutionalization is a form of Complacency and Complacency has no place in the Institution of Marriage. We go to work, come home, eat dinner, kiss the kids, make love to one another, take a shower and go to bed. The next day, we repeat the process. Before too long, you look in the mirror at your graying hair and wonder, "Where did all the time go?" I told my wife, "I will be chasing her around the house even when I'm 90 years old." Why? Because I refuse to allow myself to become Institutionalized in my Marriage. My creative mind still has me thinking of things I would like to try. Trust and believe that Tapioca Pudding will replace Whip Cream one day. Lol... I may even try Peanut Butter so my protein levels can stay high. LOL... I submit to you to not allow the Institution of Marriage to make you become Institutionalized.
All jokes aside, God does not want us to continue our relationship with Him doing the same things day after day, week after week. You know, never even trying to explore how good He really is and thus, lowering the ceiling of our full potential. The Bible says, that each time the Holy Spirit came, He was moving, not standing still. From Genesis to Revelations, His movement meant that walls were coming down, healing was coming forth and the Enemy was defeated. We grow and are able to Go Forward because we don't allow ourselves to become Complacent or Institutionalized in any aspect of our lives.
Marriage is the same way. Let's not become mundane, but let's grow, Go Forward together and Watch What Happens!
"I Love You, but I Don't Like You Right Now."
In any relationship, having a disagreement is inevitable. After all, marriage is the union of two people who are predestined to complete one another. Does that mean everything will always be peaceful and blissful like Ozzie and Harriet? Anyone that has been in a short-term or long-term relationship would answer, "No." Even Lucy and Ricky had their disagreements. Relationships in general are work. Everyday I love my Spouse, but there are days when I don't like my Spouse. The question is, what actions do we take to make one view compatible with another? In the aftermath of an argument, disagreement or fight, how do we reconcile to get back to that place of compatibility?
Growing up around a lot of chaos made me an introverted person. Having to break-up arguments and fights among adults when you are just a child yourself creates damage that may not manifest itself for many years. You'll be going along in life thinking everything is fine and then an incident occurs or someone makes a statement that triggers those memories of chaos and the truth will reveal itself about just how affected you really are even though it seems you survived those situations. For me, it's a delicate balance. I must admit, being a Preacher's Kid doesn't help because you are suppose to know better. You are suppose to be the Leader, even when you don't want to. But what if you know better and don't want to do better that day? Lol... I have been known to fight in the Church parking lot a time or two. And if you're one of those self-righteous types, I would suggest you stop reading right here and pick up your Bible if you can't handle transparency. That's what this Blog is all about. Sharing our experiences, whether good or bad, to help someone along the way.
If there was no disagreement, then it would be no need for reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 NIV says, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." So if we have the" Ministry of Reconciliation", why are some of us "Out of Service?" It is very difficult to forgive one another. It is even more difficult to admit our part in the argument, fight or disagreement. But if God in His most infinite wisdom and unfailing love would send His only Son to reconcile us, then the least we could do is serve in the "Ministry of Reconciliation," especially with our Spouse. After all, marriage is what God joined together.
In order to have reconciliation, you had to have had a transgression. In other words, someone has done something to you and there is a need for forgiveness. Most of the time either our spouse or ourselves will do something that causes us to harbor unforgiveness for weeks, months, or even years. We as husbands will go on with life like there is nothing wrong or even that all is well, not realizing that the matter is not really reconciled. Oh the mistakes we make in not properly communicating. With proper communicating, it creates healing and healing produces Reconciliation.
Just what is "Proper Communication"? Well it begins with putting aside your female or male Ego, putting aside who's right or wrong and Communicating seeking an Adult solution. Arguing solves nothing. It only makes cracks in the heart and if the person's heart is already delicate, the cracks could worsen to the point of shattering. Arguing is pride that is unwilling to bend. The Bible says, " to seek peace and not frustration. Seek it at all cost."
Then there is Humility. Humbling oneself. It is so Powerful to take down, even when you know you're right. As we progress higher, we find that taking down Catapults us even higher. Only then can we see where the real healing needs to take place. Often, the healing is from wounds that go back far, even as far back as Childhood. When you really Love someone, all you really want is for them to be Whole. And being Whole knocks down the door that leads to Reconciliation.
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.