"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong made one of the most powerful statements of all time when he was the first man to land on the moon. Exploration is going to unfamiliar territory in order to learn about it. Because Mr. Armstrong had the courage to explore unfamiliar territory, he helped paved the way for others. Which small steps are you taking in your marriage to help other marriages take one giant leap forward?
Relationships and Marriage is totally unfamiliar territory even if you have done it many times before. Each person you have a relationship with brings new personalities and adventures. Relationships are like fingerprints, though similar, no two are alike. Each relationship we are involved in, begins in a state of unfamiliar territory.
As men, we are always pushing the envelope on these unfamiliar places to see what they are all about. Whether it be, Mentally, Physically, Financially or even Spiritually, men have a tendency to over indulge in the unfamiliar. Even though we concentrate more on the physical, we still want to know what the other territories are all about. We even conduct research to see the pros and cons. Our curiosity is never satisfied. Whether it is right or wrong, our desire to explore will not die.
College is the period I call the "Wonder Years." Why? Because we wonder what we want to be?... wonder what can we get into?... and wonder what we can get away with? Questions are the fuel that powers exploration. The foundation of those questions will determine which unfamiliar highway you will explore. What type of questions are you asking about your marital relationship? Have you carried the "Wonder Years" into a stage of life where it does not belong? It's perfectly fine to want to go into unfamiliar territory concerning you and your spouse's relationship in order to learn more about it. We would like to submit to you some food for thought. If questions are the fuel that powers exploration, then just as a gas station has Premium, Super, Regular and Diesel gasoline, be very careful that the fuel you choose is the right one for your vehicle. Otherwise, it will cause extensive damage to your territory.
Exploration in marriage brings us back to Hebrews 13:4 KJV that states, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." When it comes to exploration with your spouse, there is always a bigger picture. Exploration is not just sexual intercourse, it's much more. To fully connect, we need to get to those unfamiliar territories. Most of those hidden, unspoken territories that involve skeletons or baggage. When the Explorers of old went on their quest, they went to open up territories for many different people for many different purposes. Sometimes there were wild animals, mountains and rough waters that jeopardized the entire journey. There's nothing like building up a good momentum and then something comes along and slows everything down. It makes the exploration process not seem worth it. But on the flip side, once the territory was explored and the obstacles conquered, it opened up possibilities that are still affecting generations to this day. We have found that marriage is the same way. Once all the unfamiliar territories have been conquered, then the possibilities of growth will always shine through.
Knock down those barriers, kill those wild animals and cross those raging waters. Explore the unfamiliar territories of your spouse and you will both be on top of the world together.
When I hear the word duration, the song Time After Time, by Cyndi Lauper comes to mind. I know you youngsters don’t know anything about this song, but I would like to invite you to listen to the words and not just hear the words. Take a look at Ms. Lauper's video at the bottom of this post shared from YouTube for your listening convenience. Click on: Watch on YouTube. The chorus or the hook says:
“If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time”
It makes me wonder, given that duration is the time in which something continues; fullness; extent or span, do we sometimes get lost? And if we’re lost as an individual, can we look and find our Spouse waiting time after time? And when a Husband and Wife fall, who can they look to that will catch them time after time?
Duration as it pertains to marriage is not only about time. Sure, everyone likes to brag about how long they've been married. Now I must admit, the years in numbers alone, do give you a certain credibility or the lack thereof. But along with those numbers, there comes certain experiences. Those experiences vary depending on the number of years and the couple involved. Duration is about being there for the fullness of your time together as a married couple. Duration is about understanding that marriage is something that is constantly evolving throughout a span of life. Your lives to be exact. The catch is, no one knows what their span of life is. So I submit to you, to live each day like it's your last together. What would you do if you knew the exact day that you would run out of time? How are you going to extract the fullness out of your marriage every single day together?
Duration reminds me of the Energizer Bunny, "It just keeps going and going." When we get into relationships, we all aspire to keep going and going under any circumstances. You want that person to stick with you no matter what. But... Life happens...And now everything is tested. At times, duration may appear to have a stopping point. Where did all the time go? The bliss of staying together starts to dim. Questions start to arise, did I make the right choice? Before you know it, you start shopping for a replacement.
Duration is like a cross country obstacle course. The course is not easy, it is full of rocks, barriers, pitfalls and at times you want to give up. Duration kicks in when there is sickness, we keep going. When we are broke, we keep going. When it hurts, we keep going. When it is not pleasant, we keep going. When everything is good, we keep going. When it is popular or not, we keep going. When others tell us to stop, we keep going. True duration will always have its rewards. It's easy to give up and throw in the towel, but our advise is to keep going. Paul said that we press towards the mark. Pressing means that there is resistance, but you continue anyway. Paul's duration was until his end. He counted the Journey All Joy.
When you work hard at something, invest your whole heart into it, no matter what it pays off in the end. In every aspect of Life, we have to push through. We appreciate people better when you have endured together. Ford's F-150 truck commercial is all about how durable and dependable it is. As men, not only are we Protectors, Providers and Priest, but our true heart is displayed in our ability to STAND and STAY and STAND under incredible circumstances.
Be Husband, Father, A Man, Friend, Brother and above all, a God-fearing Man. Be Wife, Mother, A Woman, Friend, Sister and above all, a God-fearing Woman. Be Durable, you are "Built Tough" just like the Ford truck. Funny, but true because at the end of the day, we are built that way. When you press until the end, the Expression of Joy comes from looking back at what you came through. It is only then, will you understand the Full Meaning of Duration.
Relationship Series: 8 Stages of A Relationship Stage Three - Copulation vs. Marital Intimacy: "Husb
Copulation or sexual intimacy. When you ask someone who is not a Believer about sex, they will go into all sorts of scientific facts, Kamasutra, emotional and physical beliefs of what is the common meaning of intercourse. From personal experiences to what the media says, you'll hear many different interpretations.
When you ask a Christian their view or what's the meaning of sex, they will give you Biblical facts or say what they believe is the right or wrong way, (which is commonly missionary), and what Grandma told them what sex should be like. The streets will give you all sorts of pornographic views which usually means, if it feels good and who it feels good with, then do it, even if it's experimental.
Let's take the covers back and expose the truth of intercourse. When you have sex with a person, you are giving yourself wholly to that individual, Body, Soul and Spirit. And as an added bonus, every Spiritual and Physical baggage that comes with them. For instance, everything that your partner is and has (sexually transmission) and every Unhoused Spirit they have and the same baggage that everyone they have been with, Mentioned or Secret comes to the sexual party. Have you ever wondered why certain things occur that you can't explain and has never been in your family's DNA happen? Or images that you seem not to be able to get rid of? No one is going to tell you that the last person they slept with was crazy, but the sex was good. No one and I mean No one is thinking Spiritual Before, During or After sex. And I have learned, that's where the "Big Mistake" is made.
Instead of discussing past experiences while dating, it becomes lost until something comes up that you have no other choice but to discuss. We concentrate more on the act than the ramifications of before and after. Most of the time, we are concentrating on the outward appearances more than the truth that is right in front of us. The fineness on the outside overshadows the monster on the inside. I remember I was given a knife set. The box had a nice picture of the knives and their many uses, but when I opened the box, the knives were dull, flimsy and upon my first use, one of them broke. When I told the person that gave me the gift, they revealed that the knives were actually re-gifted from someone else who got them from a rummage sale four years earlier. All they did was put more tape to seal the box and it was sold AS IS. No telling how many people used those knives before I got them. No one really knew.
Sex is a very precious thing. Although we all make mistakes, we can rectify them by doing a Spiritual Overhaul. A Spiritual Overhaul is totally allowing God to order our footsteps even who we choose as our mates. He knows the battles we will face and He has the Ultimate Strategy on how to win.
Lastly, remember this: 1+1=2 . In order for it to remain 2, don't bring another one in, it has a negative affect on relationships. When you start a relationship off with a negative, only God can change it into a positive. Sexual intimacy is always BEST when it is with your Own Spouse.
Copulation is simply defined as sexual intercourse. In further research of the meaning of copulation, its meaning is usually applied to the mating process in nonhuman animals or the transfer of the sperm from male to female. Truth be told, I have friends who have described their experiences as, "a transfer of sperm from a nonhuman animal." I guess that's where they get the phrase, "If you lie down with dogs, you're bound to get up with fleas." I wonder if people knew the true meaning of the word, not the definition, would they still confuse sex with intimacy? We've told you before, there is a difference between sexual intercourse or copulation and marital intimacy.
Transparency Moment: Wife to Wife, we already know before our feet hit the floor in the morning to start our day, whether or not we are going to have sex or intimacy with our Husband. I saw a quote by Dr. Farrah Gray that said, "If her bra and panties match, you were not the one who decided you were going to have sex." And I know that every woman that read that, giggled because they knew it was the gospel truth. In my opinion, women in general are planners. We plan what our week is going to look like, down to the millisecond and yes, we even plan out where, when and how we would like to have relations with our Husband. Bottom line.
We have gotten so many questions about what does the Bible say about sex or marital intimacy? The Bible is one of the most widely read books that is filled with instances of sexual experiences. Reality TV? Nah, pick up the Word of God. It seems to me that people want an excuse or permission from someone or something to indulge in whatever pleasures that tickle their fancy. The Bible does not clearly define what is or what is not permissible between a Husband and Wife in relationship to sexual intercourse or marital intimacy. So stop looking for permission from Clergy or other people and start communicating with one another. Whatever pleasures you desire from one another, must be mutually agreed upon. Of course we all know what is considered Abominations or Perverse Sexuality as it pertains to the Bible, Leviticus 18:1-30.
Transparency Moment: Wife to Wife, One of my very best friends told me something that changed my outlook and trajectory regarding sexual intimacy with my husband, and it is the gospel truth. She said, "Keisha, what you won't do to, with and for Your Husband, there are at least 50 other women who will." And now I pass her advice on to you. Growing up in the church, especially as a Preacher's Kid is tough. Everything is "nasty" or "of the devil." But Sister "Skittles" over there, is pregnant every year for 9 years straight. The subject of sexual intimacy with your husband was a topic that Auntie and 'Nem, never even spoke about. After all, that was grown folks business. We were basically left to figure it out for ourselves. Well after 26 years of marriage, I've got it figured out, but I'm going to need you Ladies not to take that long. Communicate, Explore, Have Sexual Intimacy with Your Husband, so that you both can live "Happily ever after...Together."
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.