Salutations to all the Fellow Wives! Shouts out and much respect to those of you who are holding it down by "Acting Like A Lady and Thinking Like A Boss." It looks good on you. Happy National Women's History Month. Please keep striving to make your mark. You've got this!
Ladies, we need to talk. This article is no intended disrepect to anyone, but it appears, there's an issue which needs to be addressed. It happens once...I'm like ok. It happens twice...I'm like, naw... It happens the third time...I'm like really?!?! It happens the fourth time...I'm like, "where they do that at?" And before you get started, I'm not talking about any personal experiences from myself. Everybody knows ChefRickey2013 don't play that. Real talk, he's not the one you need to be concerned about. Lady Allen don't play that. Lady is not just a title, it's a way of life. So "put some RESPECK on it. And I ain't going say it no more."
So you married a wanderer...and how is that someone elses fault?!?!? The level of blatant disrepect in marriages and towards marriages are at an all time high. I can't really say it's on the rise because that would imply that at some point it was lower. How does someone flirt with another person right in front of their Spouse, like they ain't even there? Ladies have you set the bar that low in order to "get a ring on it?" And here's the insane part, the Wife gets mad at the person their Husband is flirting with. #WOW
It made me start to think, is this a Cultural thing? Geographical? Social? Economical? Trend? Acceptable? I've been trying to pin it down to one specific thing and to be honest, I haven't been able to. The saying goes, "boys will be boys" and now, they can add "girls will be girls." If you've married a boy, then that's your choice. But don't get upset when he has an adolescent episode and you're unable to de-escalate his behavior. In the same breath, don't get upset when he has an adolescent episode and then go out an mimic his behavior. Both parties are wrong and need to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.
Stop blaming the unsuspecting. Quite frankly, I'm sick of hearing and seeing it. I know...I know. It's hard for you to believe that not everyone thinks like you. I get it. But believe me when I tell you, there are married couples out there who really love each other. Believe me when I tell you, there married couples out there who are just God-fearing, Fun-loving, Close-knit families who are trying, with the help of The Lord daily, to keep there families together as God had originally intended. Believe me when I tell you, not everyone has purchased a Lifetime Membership to the "Boys will be Boys Club" or the "That's Nice!!! Women's Auxillary."
With some people, I'm hoping we're the Majority, No means NO. Ignore, means NO. A slight smile and a nod means, keep walking. The rolling of the eyes means, if you're doing that to your Wife, she sees you, says nothing, and proceeds to call her Auxillary mates to jump on the woman, then you surely will do it to someone else. The sighs when you're trying to be charming right in front of the Husband means, I sure wish he would shut up, he must be trying to buy some whoop tickets. If the Husband is not around and the cell phones comes out of the purse, she's texting him to come handle the situation and you have about 3 minutes to cease and disist, no one will be responsible for what happens after that.
So you married a wanderer...Pray. Counseling. Pray. Counseling. Decide. Pray. We're all about the Protection of the Institution of Marriages. But please don't blame the other person for you marrying a Lifetime Member of the "Boys will be Boys Club" or the "That's Nice!!! Women's Auxillary. Just cancel the membership.
One day while I was driving, my tire became flat. I really didn't have any money for a new one or even a "may pop tire", so I walked to the local Walmart and found a host of temporary patches. After making my selection, I proceeded to try my best to fix the tire, at least until I got the funds to purchase a new one. Unfortunately, when you apply a temporary fix to a problem or you try to use it longer than the instructions tell you, you tend to get complacent to the point you may forget that it was temporary to begin with.
Which brings me to the subject at hand. Couples get married and as life goes on, for some couples, the honeymoon phase wears off, disagreements come and financial inconveniences occur as hinderances to distract the Godly Union. The enemy knows if he could cut the Union in two halves, the Mission could not be completed because the two are no longer one whole. When this happens, couples begin to SELF-medicate by searching for any UnGodly source to fix the problem. Speaking from a male point of view, we look in some of the most craziest places. Family, Friends and Oh yeah, Other Females, anyone with an itching ear. And before you know it, here comes trouble.
It's like putting a band-aid on a problem, but never truly getting it fixed. It starts off with telling someone else the problem. Then whenever a new situation arises, we turn to those itching ears again. And before you know it, we get so comfortable going to that TEMPORARY fix that it seems to give you this ILLUSION of what you think is the SOLUTION. The word temporary comes from the Latin word TEMPUS which means time. I am reminded as in cooking, when we tempor something, we only have a small window of time. If too much time elapses, it could ruin the whole recipe.
Now you know how these temporary situations come along. They only come along for the ride as long as you're scratching those itching ears. But as soon as you fail to entertain THOTS, it blows up. Just like that tire, when it blows up causes more damage than if I had just looked for a better solution. See at the end of the situation with my tire, I never even thought about checking the trunk to see what options I already had available that were already mine. It finally dawned on me that I never even looked in the trunk. When I did, there was a brand new tire that the previous owner bought because she didn't like the way the spare looked. What I needed was already provided in what I already had. How many times do we find ourselves in Marriage or in Life try to rely on a temporary fix instead of asking God for His Direction?
He always has a ram in the bush, but we are afraid to go to Him. Temporary is just that, Temporary. It only last for a short time. But God deals in Permanent Solutions that heals everyone involved.
The Word says in Matthew 18:20 KJV that, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." And if I read the scriptures correctly when Jesus was present, the whole situation changed. Especially when demons were around, they fled when Jesus came around and in one situation, they asked Him could they flee?
In a nutshell, let those temporary fixes go and keep your Permanent Solution. It will save you time, energy, money and a trip to the Courthouse.
I was talking to a friend the other day and He asked me, "Why wasn't I interested in a certain female?" He knows I'm married and he knows my Wife. After I got over the initial shock of such an outlandish question, I told him my answer.
Why would I give all my greatness to a Mediocre woman? I have Greatness at home in my Wife. At the end of the day, it's not about calling any woman Mediocre, but it's like in math when you add two halves together, it equals a whole. So when the right Woman is joined with who God has designed as her other half, the Bible says, "the two shall become one flesh (One Whole). The biggest problem in Marriages is Infidelity. It dances around ("...and she twerks, she twerks.") trying to lure that half away from (His joining force), the other half. One-half plus one-half plus one-half, does NOT equal one Whole.
One of the definitions of Mediocre is barely adequate. It just does not measure up. Trust me I am by no means saying that I or my Wife is all that, but together, with Christ as the Head of Our Lives including our Marriage, we are unstoppable. The Bible says, that when there are two or three joined together in His Name, He is there in the midst. The two being, the Husband and Wife, three being, Christ, Husband and Wife. In this day and time, Marriages need Christ in the midst.
Lastly, catch this, I noticed that in Matthew 8:24-34 KJV, when Jesus was around, demons knew that their power was powerless. Greatness can only maintain being Great by allowing Jesus to shine from within. No matter what kind of darkness that comes our way, we can see a way through The Way. Believe it or not in a different parable, Jesus told His disciples not to throw their pearls to swine. Wow.
The Chef and The Ref, as we are more affectionately called, are just two individuals who God joined together in the Spirit and then in the Natural to walk through the challenges of life together. We have been married for 27 years and have four amazing children. We get many calls, text and emails asking us questions about a variety of topics as it relates to marriage. This blog was inspired by the Holy Spirit and an answer to the growing demand of couples who inquire about our experiences in marriage as it relates to their own. We do not make any claims of being anything more than two sinners, saved by grace who wanted to give couples an opportunity to have safe conversations that will make their marriage stronger. The Chef and The Ref are both licensed and ordained Ministers in the Gospel of Jesus Christ who wanted to create a safe platform for married couples to converse about a variety of topics.